I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Randomize
