I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
