I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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