i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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