When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
