Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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