my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
porn star boner night. come get it.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
