I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
