Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
