If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
