May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
