dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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