I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
