I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
