47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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