and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
