Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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