Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
