you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
