i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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