There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
