hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So drunk its hurt
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
