i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
