If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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