You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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