The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
And then he peed in my hair
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