im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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