How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
