I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
