Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
