Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
