Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
