For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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