1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I puked a lego.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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