i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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