forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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