He disabled his match.com account in front of me
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
So squirting runs in the family.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
