Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's blow job season.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
