she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
