i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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