wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
