You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
