Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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