Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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