Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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