You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Randomize
