i would punch a child for taco bell
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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