love makes seman taste better
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
