uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
