you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
