dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
