i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
