Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
