Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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