My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
