I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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