he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
